Do Not Commit Adultery | Matthew 5

[You can watch the whole message HERE, or just keep reading!]

What does it mean to be faithful? I feel like the answer to that is always couched in the negative. Don’t cheat. Don’t wander. Don’t drift. But what does it actually look like in our life? Like, I know what it is not - but what IS it? What does it look like to be proactively faithful? What IS faithfulness? Some of you know this - I was on vacation two weeks ago. My parents have a little place on a lake a couple hours north of here - and we had just such a wonderful time. We did some tubing, we visited Mackinaw island - we did a puzzle on those canadian wildfire days, read books. It was so lovely. But…and parents of small children, maybe you’ll understand this - after about a week with no routine, no normal schedule - the kids can sort of turn into little monsters. Have you ever experienced this? Like, I loved vacation - it was amazing, but it was almost a relief to get back and go back to normal a little bit. Back in the day they used to say, “those kids are just crazy” and now they have more mature words for it, they’ll say, “he’s just emotionally dysregulated" - but it’s the same thing. Without a rhythm or routine, you get… off, somehow. It happens all the time with kids - they melt down out of nowhere and you’re like, woah, where did that come from? And it’s like - oh, he’s been at camp or he skipped nap time or whatever- he’s out of his usual routine, dysregulated. I kind of like that word “dysregulated” - it’s a really useful word.

 And I remember before we left - I told myself, “I’ve been really busy, I’m finally going to have some down time on vacation. Here’s what I’m going to do - I’m going to wake up every morning, sit on the deck with my coffee and spend some quiet time with God in prayer. I’ll bring my journal, write down my prayers - it’s going to be amazing.” Anybody want to guess how many times I opened up my prayer journal on vacation? Zero! And then I came back from vacation and jumped right into Byron Days prep - and so my devotion life, my prayer time (which I know some of you know, it’s like really important to me) and also my workout routine. Both were completely out of whack, and we got done with Byron Days. And Byron Days was SO much fun. But we got all done with service on Sunday and instead of being in a spiritually high place, I was feeling so crummy. I was flooded with insecurity, which is not like me, but I was full of fear and doubt and insecurity. And then I realized, just like my kids on vacation - I was spiritually dysregulated. When your schedule or your life goes through some bumps, even if they’re good things - it can be really easy to get out of sync with our Father in heaven, and that was me last week. I had not been moving towards God, pursuing God, and so my heart was drifting. I was not living faithfully and I could tell that something was off. Not on the outside. Everything was great out here, but in here there was a misalignment. I was spiritually dysregulated. 

Today is the last sermon in our series called “The Ten” - all summer we’ve been talking about God’s gift of commandments to his people. And one of the through lines of this series for us has been the fact that this is not a list of do’s and don’ts, it’s not just a list of restrictions, these rules are actually a framework for how to live in freedom. The people of Israel were slaves for SO long, and now God had to reteach them how to be free people. And so we’re talking about the commandment, “you shall not commit adultery” and if I can be honest, I was kind of putting this one off. I wasn’t very excited to preach on adultery - once I dug into it a bit, I discovered some incredible truth about our God that I am so excited to share with you this morning. 

So if you want to grab your bibles, we are going to be in Matthew chapter 5. The actual commandment comes from Exodus, chapter 20, but just like we’ve seen a couple of times, in Matthew chapter 5 Jesus takes the original commandment and digs a little deeper into it. He kind of explains it in chapter 5 verse 17, [read v.17-18]. He’s not changing the commandment, he’s not changing the law - he’s fulfilling it. Diving deeper to help us understand what it was all about all along. So while you’re turning to Matthew chapter 5, let me show you Exodus chapter 20, verse 14, [read it]. That’s pretty straightforward, but then over in Matthew 5, look at what Jesus does with it. [read Matthew 5:27-28]. Can I just admit to you how much this messes with me? I don’t know about the rest of you, but it seemed like this was going to be another one of those slam dunk commandments. Like, do not murder - EASY. Boom. Done. I’m proud to say I’ve never broken that commandment, not even once. Not even a little murder. [Pause]. I know, it’s impressive. But then Jesus digs deeper and says, “Don’t get angry.” Do not sleep with someone you’re not married to - easy. Boom. done. I’ve never broken that commandment, not even once. But then Jesus digs deeper! Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully. [long pause] By my count, in the eyes of God I am a murderer. I am an adulterer. [pause] This shows us something so incredibly important. Jesus is not here to treat the symptoms, he is here to cure the infection. I guess the simple way to say it is that Jesus digs deeper. Anger is the seed that sprouts into murder. Lust is the seed that sprouts into adultery. Jesus is not out here plucking the heads off the weeds, he’s pulling them up from the roots. When Jesus says I’m not adding to the law, I’m not taking away from the law - this is what he means. It’s the same law, but Jesus goes after the cause, after the infection, not the symptoms. And actually, that shows us something beautiful about the character of our God. The God who made you, he doesn’t just want to treat your symptoms. He doesn’t just want you to look healthy on the outside. He wants you to actually BE healthy. To live a life of freedom that is actually FREE. He kind of loves you like that.

But check this out - he doesn’t stop there, verse 29, Jesus keeps going, [read v.29-30]. Yeesh. Can I just name what I think a lot of us are probably thinking. It’s a little intense Jesus, good grief! Maybe switch to decaf my man. Like… is he kidding? I mean, we live in a VERY christian area in West Michigan - and there’s like so many beautiful people all around us - but I don’t see a whole lot of dudes missing eyeballs. And.. is it an eyeball per moment of lust? Because that just gives me two times before I run out of eyeballs. Is that what Jesus is aiming at? Is that his goal with this? Maybe he’s like an eye-patch salesman on the side and he’s just trying to drum up some business? But this is actually a really cool moment with scripture. I want you to imagine, not that this is some obscure holy text from thousands of years ago - but that Jesus is standing next to you, talking with you about this. The cool thing about the bible is that it shows us the character of God, we get to see his personality, who he is. He’s like a mentor, a friend, who wants good things for us - he wants us to live in freedom and holiness, to live the best type of life, and he’s teaching us how. Because he is our God and he made us and he cares about us. My buddy David, from one of our sister churches in the Zero Collective, he showed me this and I thought it was amazing, and I wanted to show it to you. Let’s put that verse back on the screen. [put the verse with a blank]. This is what we were just reading, Matthew 5, verse 29 but instead of saying “eye” - what if it was “phone”? Doesn’t that just change it? What if it’s your INSTAGRAM that causes you to lust? Or your facebook? Get rid of it! What about your “GYM” membership that causes you to lust? Cancel it! Work out at home. What if it was your “dating profile” causes you to lust - delete it! What if your “FRIEND GROUP” causes you to lust? Leave them. If your “WORKPLACE” causes you to lust - find a new one. Doesn’t this just change the text for you? Jesus starts with the extreme, which for a lot of us makes it easy to dismiss. I’m not going to do that, he didn’t really mean that. It’s probably just him being symbolic. But what if Jesus was just being practical. He’s encouraging, he’s challenging. Confronting us - Jesus is asking us, “what’s the tool?” What’s the thing the enemy is using to destroy faithfulness in your life? Identify it and throw it away. And it can be anything - tv show, subscription, alcohol, favorite work out video - and Jesus’ teaching is cut it out and throw it away! 

1 Corinthians chapter 6 verse 18, let’s throw that on the screen, [read it]. So what is the advice? FLEE from sexual immorality. And what’s important here is that this is different advice than most sins. The bible tells Christians to stand up, put on the armor of God, to fight against evil in our world - but when it comes to lust and sexual immorality - he says RUN. James chapter 4, verse 7 tells us to “resist the devil and he will flee from you” and for MOST sins, that is the best advice. Resist the devil, but with sexual immorality - Jesus says, “cut it out completely”, Paul tells us “Flee” - this is not about gouging eyes out, they are trying to explain to us how dangerous this thing that we’re dealing with is. You know when I was a kid, movie ratings were really important. Got your PG movies, PG-13 movies and then rated R movies. And the way it was explained to me was, “well, PG-13 means that by the time you are 13 you will be mature enough to handle the content of that movie. And rated R movies, I think that was 17 or 18? By the time I’m 18 years old, I will be mature enough to handle whatever is in those movies.” That’s kind of how it was explained to me - only those who are mature enough can handle that stuff. I remember, my first PG-13 movie was Pearl Harbor, and I got to watch it when I was 12 years old. I was so proud - I’m mature enough to handle this movie. And Pearl Harbor is a pretty intense war movie, and I’m not saying it’s a horrible movie - but little 12 year old me was watching these people explode and all this horrific violence blast across the screen: I’m fine, no this doesn’t affect me at all, I’m totally fine. For a long time I thought it was a sign of maturity to be able to watch things with nudity or graphic violence and not be affected. I thought, it’s because I’m so mature, I’m too smart to be influenced. But I look at the teachings of Jesus and he doesn’t say, “when you’re old enough - you’ll be able to handle this. He said, if it causes you to lust? Flee! Gouge it out!” Maybe we shouldn’t ask “am I old enough to watch this” and we should start asking, “is this good for me, regardless of how old I am?” If you’re a follower of Jesus, you’re never going to be old enough for it to be okay for lust to have a place in your heart.

The commandment about adultery is not just about lust, it’s about God teaching us how to live a life that is free, a life full of faithfulness. And the reason God wants us to live this way - God is faithful, and he wants us to be like him. I think one of the best places to illustrate that is a little book in the old testament called Hosea. If you’ve never heard of that, you’re in good company, nobody knows this story - Hosea is a minor prophet with a really unusual story and so a lot of people don’t even learn that stuff - but they are missing out because hosea is one of the most powerful examples of God’s faithfulness. But just imagine this with me. There was this guy Hosea, he was a prophet and God came to him one day and said, “I want you to marry someone who is unfaithful.” And Hosea’s like, “What?” but God says, “no, seriously. I want you to marry someone who is unfaithful - and I’m going to use your life to show my faithfulness.” And so Hosea marries a prostitute. And her name is Gomer, and they’re married, and then she is unfaithful and Hosea goes and gets her, brings her home. And she’s unfaithful again, and Hosea goes and gets her and brings her home. And God tells Hosea - this is what it’s like to love my people. My people Israel, they have been unfaithful. My people have hurt me, and they have abandoned me, and they have been unfaithful - but I am faithful and I will keep bringing them home. In chapter 3, verse 1 God tells Hosea, [read it]. But my favorite part of the whole story comes in Chapter 11. Verse 8-11. From all the different places that their failure and brokenness took them - a faithful God brought his people home. And so if you are here today in a place of unfaithfulness. If this is an area of struggle - if you are in a place of addiction, or you’re harboring a secret - or in your marriage, this is the thing that’s bubbling up. Or maybe you’re single right now, because of brokenness in a previous relationship. Or maybe you’re the product of this, in the home you grew up in - if you watched your parents do this. If you look at your life, and you think “I’m not welcome here”, “I’m too broken to be here”, “I have too much shame with this topic” - the greatest hope we have in ANY form of sin, but especially this one, is Jesus. Our God is faithful and true and he redeems brokenness. No matter how far you have gone, God brings you home. That’s the gospel! It’s that moment when Jesus comes into our sin and frees us from the consequences of our shame. He changes our name from broken to redeemed, from slave to free man, from sinner to child of God. I mean this literally, this is from chapter 1, in the introduction to the book of Hosea God tells us the end of the story - there’s this thing with Hosea’s children, each child has a name that represents God’s people. His daughter’s name is Lo-Ruhamah, which means “not loved”. And then in verse 8, [read v.8-10]. In the place where it was said, “you are not my people” they will be called “children of the living God.” If you are carrying a weight of sin on your shoulders this morning, God is ready to bring you home, to give you a new name. 

Fighting for faithfulness in your life is not about steelmanning your willpower to achieve incredible self-control. This is the road that if you try to walk it alone - you WILL fail. I guarantee it. It’s not about how much will-power you have, it’s about how much you love Jesus. It’s about whether you are letting his love and his faithfulness and his Spirit to pour into you and redeem you. Pour into you and overflow from you into your marriage, your family, your friendships. The good news that comes right off the page this morning is that God created you to be faithful, because HE - God our father - HE is faithful. He is steadfast, trustworthy, and faithful. Psalm 119 says that his faithfulness endures to all generations. Deuteronomy says ““Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments.” 2 Timothy 2:13, “If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.” It is ALL OVER this book - God is faithful, that’s his character, that’s his personality, that is who he is and so if we are going to be children of God, followers of Christ, if we are going to call ourselves CHRISTIANS - then we too need to be faithful. Do you see what I mean when I say this is not about restrictions? This is not about “hey, well I didn’t sleep with anybody who is not my wife” - this is about SO MUCH MORE than that. This is about living a lifestyle of loyalty, about having a reputation for reliability, about having faithfulness be a feature in every part of your life. God created you to be faithful, because HE is faithful and you were made in his image. 

So the challenge I have for you this week is probably really simple - are you faithful? Are you faithful in your marriage? In your heart? In your media consumption? In your friendships? At your job? As a father, a child, a neighbor? Are you faithful? And some of you are sitting there today going, “dude, i dunno, I think i am.” Well let’s look at it practically. First - is there anything you need to gouge out of your life? Whether it’s your phone, or social media, a tv show or group of people - take time this week, examine your heart, look at your life. Is there an area where you need to flee? Just cut it out entirely? But then there’s the other side, and this is the last thing I want to point out, so much of what we are talking about is reactive - but what would it look like to be proactively faithful? What if having a faithful marriage meant more than putting a covenant eyes filter on your computer? What if living faithfully means waking up every morning and finding a new way to invest in your relationships? Maybe it’s as simple as sending a loving text message in the middle of the day, or carving out time for intimacy with your spouse after the kids are in bed, or putting date night back on the calendar after you’ve forgotten for a couple of weeks - those are ways to be faithful. Not just avoiding bad things, but intentionally pouring in good things. And I want you to see that this is more than just married people. How can you be faithful in your job tomorrow morning? If you’re a student, how can you be faithful in your school work? Not just avoiding bad things, but as a part of your lifestyle of faithfulness - investing in your life every single chance you get. And, of course, all of this has to reflect your connection to God. Can I challenge you to be proactively faithful with God this week? Every day, find a way to carve out time with God. Spend time in the word, spend time in prayer. Spend time serving and loving and investing in that connection - so that nothing can tempt you in the wrong direction.

I think about my kids on vacation, and how dysregulated they can get after a week or two of crazy summer scheduling. What if the unease you are feeling in your heart and your life right now is simply the result of being spiritually dysregulated? And it’s not some epic display of will power and self control that you need - but just steady, daily faithfulness. To cut out what’s unhealthy for your spirit, and invest in what’s healthy for your soul - every day, in simple, reliable ways -  letting his faithfulness fill you and overflow into your entire life. It’s how God helped his people recover from slavery and live a life of freedom - and if you are faithful to him today, his faithfulness will transform your life too. Let’s pray.