Kindness - Colossians 3

I might have told this story before, but one of my first jobs in ministry was as a full time youth pastor in the suburbs of Chicago. I was there for 3 years during seminary, and I only left because I got my first full time lead pastor role in a church in the U.P. And at the church in Downers Grove, I’d been there a few months, maybe a year - when one of the seventh grade girls, let’s call her Ashley, she approached me after the lesson and asked if she could talk to me. The rest of the students were going to play a game, and she sort of held back because she wanted to ask me a question. And I remember we were sort of paused in the hallway outside the gym and she started telling me about some of her friends who were getting into stuff she wasn’t comfortable with. She was in 7th grade, and her friends were just starting to experiment with drugs and cutting. Some of her friends were stealing pills leftover from her mom’s surgery - or whatever it was. And it was starting to freak her out and she asked me for advice. And so we started talking through it, and it was really clear that this young woman, she knew what was right and wrong. She knew this was the start of a really bad road, and she had no interest in going down it. But she didn’t know what to do about her friend. How can I be a good friend to her? I want her to stop, but I don’t know what to say. Should I tell her that I think she should stop? Should I tell her mom? I don’t want to be a snitch. And I told her, I think you know what you have to say. I think you know what you should do. And she asked me, what if my friend hates me? What if doing the right thing makes me a bad friend? And I tried to tell her, “Oh she probably will hate you. She’s going to be really mad, especially if you have to talk to mom. But helping her, even if she’s mad, is actually the kindest thing you can do.” And she sort of nodded and we joined the rest of the group for game time. One of the best parts about doing students ministry is getting to watch kids grow up into young adults, and then grow up into actual adults. This was 13, 14 years ago - she’s in her early 20’s now. And sometimes, not always, but sometimes - pastors actually get to see the fruit of the seeds we plant in our ministry. I think it was five years later - I’m now lead pastor up in the UP, and Ashley came to visit me. They were on vacation in the UP, and took a detour to come visit my church. I think she was a junior in high School or something. And I asked, “hey, whatever happened with your friend?” Because I remembered, she did end up telling her friends mom, and that friend was furious and they were not friends anymore. When I moved away they were still mad at each other. And she said, “You know, I just talked to her a little while ago. We’re friends again, she came back and she told me, “Thank you for being a friend. All my other friends told me what I wanted to hear, but you’re the only one who told me what I needed to hear. I see where I would have been if you hadn’t gotten me in trouble - and so I want to say thank you.” Now, what I just told you is a lot cleaner than the years of messy friendship that these two girls actually had - but every now and then in my job, I get to see the end of a story and it’s a really beautiful thing.

Today we are continuing our study into the fruits of the Spirit. As the Zero Collective, all of our churches, this summer we are focused on what it looks like to stay attached to Jesus. Like a blueberry withering when it gets pulled off the vine, in our lives we wither when we are pulled away from God. And so we’ve been talking about things like love, joy, peace and patience - but today is a really tricky conversation that I’m really excited to get into - today we are going to talk about Kindness. And I’m going to show you the tricky part right from the beginning - like my friend Ashley, most of us live on a spectrum between “niceness” and “nastiness.” We think - being kind just means being nice! Just do whatever the nice thing is. But on the other side, we say “no, kindness is about results! Kindness means we can be mean to people if it gets them away from the bad things in life. Truth doesn’t care about your feelings, that sort of thing. And what I want to propose to you today is that kindness is not niceness, and it’s not nastiness either - kindness is a better, third thing. And to help us figure out God’s method of kindness - I want to tell you a story, a story about a slave owner and a slave that we find in the book of Colossians.

If you want to grab your bibles, I’ll be in the book of Colossians, mostly in chapter 3. If you’re not familiar, Colossians is a little book towards the end of the bible. It’s actually really tricky to look up in your physical bible, because there’s a series of really little letters all in a row. Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians - but while you’re looking that up, let me tell you about this church. The book of Colossians that we find in our bibles is actually a letter written to a church in the town of Colossae. Now Colossae was this town of 25-30,000 people and it was situated on a major trade route. It wasn’t a massive city, if you think about it - Byron Township has about 27,000 people in it - but because of the trade route, there was a lot of diversity amongst the people. So these people had spent a lot of years worshipping a whole pantheon of gods. Lots of statues, lots of gods to pick from - little gods, god of the harvest, god of fertility, god of whatever - you know, that sort of stuff. So then this guy Epaphras comes in and starts a church. Telling everyone about Jesus, and a Christian community forms. Meanwhile Paul is in prison, again, maybe in Rome this time, and Pastor Epaphras goes to visit Paul in prison. And they talk about the struggles Epaphras’ church is going through. If you can imagine, Paul sitting there in chains, or maybe standing by the bars of a jail cell with Epaphras reaching through the bars holding his hands, asking how he’s doing. And Paul making a joke about the terrible food, and then asking - “So, how’s your church? How are my brothers and sisters, how are God’s people?” And Epaphras tells Paul about some of the struggles they’re going through, and so Paul writes the letter of Colossians to encourage the people to follow the way of Jesus.

Now here’s where the story gets a little crazy. In this time period, a lot of people couldn’t read - and so what you would do is when there was a letter sent to a group, or a church or whatever - you would have someone deliver that letter, and read it out loud to the whole group. So imagine Sunday morning, if I got up in worship and I said - “hey, guess what everyone, we got a letter from our sister church down in Wayland. New Life Church, Pastor Brad is down there - he wrote us a letter, and I’m going to read it to encourage you.” And the messenger who gets up to read the letter his name is Tychicus, and he came with his friend Onesimus. And I know it’s a lot of weird names, but hang in there with me. Onesimus is there to help present Paul’s letter, to give a message to the gathered church. But what you might not know is that Onesimus is a runaway slave. He was a slave, but he ran away a long time ago - before he even became a Christian. He was a runaway slave who ran into Paul, and Paul converted him to Christianity and then sent him back home. And in that crowd, in the church at Colossae was a man named Philemon, better known as Onesimus’ former master. Onesimus has come home, to give this letter to the man he ran away from. Now take this situation and run it through your kindness filter. If we think that kindness is just being nice, and we want to be nice to Philemon - give him his guy back! Come on Onesimus, you have to go be a slave again. OR if we think that kindness is just about results, and we can be nasty - just brutal honesty. Philemon you’re a bad person for owning slaves - you should feel bad and we hate you. But Paul doesn’t do either of those things. At the end of the letter Paul tells them to welcome Onesimus as a faithful and beloved brother. He’s not a slave anymore, welcome him as a brother. I think Paul says it best in the NIV translation of chapter 4 verse 6. [put it on the screen]. What we are going to find is that Kindness is not about nice or nasty - it’s to be full of grace, and yet seasoned with salt.

Paul makes it super practical in chapter 3, verse 7 [read v.7-9]. Paul says, “Church it is time to get rid of - and then he lists a bunch of bad stuff.” Strip off your old, sinful nature. What Paul is doing is giving us this concept of the “old self” - who you used to be BEFORE you met Jesus. If you want to walk with Christ, and be his follower - you need to let go of this stuff “anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander - all of that. So let’s try an activity - real quick. I know it’s a little goofy, but just indulge me for a moment. Paul says, “strip off the old self and all its wicked deeds.” So first, I want you to think of something that makes you angry. It’s going to be different for everybody, but go ahead - what, just, sets you off? What absolutely infuriates you? I had a friend tell me this past week, “I don’t know JJ, it’s hard to imagine you angry - you’re always so positive. And I tried to tell him, oh no - I get mad with the best of them. For me it’s always ugly, I’m not proud of who I am in those moments - I almost always do something dumb that I end up regretting, but I definitely have my angry moments.” Honestly? In our world right now, we have a buffet of angry options to choose from. You could look at politics, with a side of gravy, public education - lots ot get mad about there, social media and Hollywood (how do you feel about tiktok? The latest and greatest methods that younger generations use to drive us crazy). Could be a personal thing - maybe family who drives you crazy, fights with your spouse or with your kids, or your boss at work. Or maybe you jump right to the end of the buffet, and get some dessert - and you want to get mad about economics, supply chain issues - can never find what you want, and even when you do find it, it’s twice the price it was a year ago, and I can’t afford the gas to go and get it. There’s a lot to mad about in this world. So I want you to think about all that and get good and mad for just a second. Okay? Now Paul says, “it’s time to get rid of anger, rage and malice” - right? So let’s give it a try. Just - be not angry. [pause]. Did it work? Anybody feeling any better? No? Well did you try your hardest? Paul says, “that’s the old self, and you’ve got to get rid of it.” Alright, now I know I’m being ridiculous - but what I want to drive home here is that getting rid of the old self is more than an act of the will. You can’t just close your eyes and wish yourself into a kinder person.

But Paul’s not done, he says, [read v.10-11]. There it is. Christ is all that matters. So this is not just about getting rid of bad habits. Paul says, strip off the old self, and put on a new self. He uses identity language. You’re not going to be a jew or greek, slave or free, barbaric, uncivilized - none of that matters. A new self that is renewed as you learn to know your creator and become like him. What I want you to realize there is that your new self comes directly from knowing and spending time with your creator (that’s God). Kindness doesn’t come from closing our eyes and wishing - it is a byproduct of walking next to Jesus. Verse 12, [read v.12-15]. If you’ve been with us throughout this series - you might realize just how familiar all of that sounds. The advice Paul wrote for a former slave to give to his former master in Colossae, is the same type he wrote to the people in the church in Rome, which is really similar to what we find in his words to Galatia and the people in Ephesus. It really is all about walking closer to Jesus.

Now let me circle around this for just a second. When you hear this list of what a “new self” looks like - does it sound like you? Tenderhearted mercy, kindness, gentleness, patience - make allowance for each other’s faults. Let me ask you - are those the features you are known for? Like when people hear your name do they think, “oh yeah, they are SO full of gentleness and patience.” Is your life defined by the qualities of the new self that the bible talks about, or maybe you’re like me - and sometimes it feels like, “nah, I’m still the same old self, wearing fancy clothing.” Paul says “clothe yourselves in love” but if I’m being honest, sometimes I feel like an imposter. These aren’t my clothes. They don’t really fit me. Do you ever have this feeling - like when I point to those moments when I am kind or I am gentle, or I am patient - those moments aren’t really me, that’s just me pretending. The real me doesn’t want to do that stuff. So many people in churches, they look great on the outside - but they live with this inner discomfort. This worry that people are going to realize that it’s all a show. And here’s my point - if you try to get at kindness, or any of the fruits of the spirit, through trying, through just sheer will-power - you will always feel like a fraud. Like an imposter. Because kindness doesn’t come from trying, it comes from transformation. It comes naturally as an outpouring of our connection to Jesus.   

It finishes up in verse 16, [read v.16-17]. Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus. Do it, IN THE NAME of Jesus. Now WAIT, I want to challenge you on that. If you’ve been a Christian for a little while and you hear the phrase “in the name of Jesus” - probably your mind jumps automatically to the same spot. For a lot of us who grew up with this stuff, “in the name of Jesus” is how we end our prayers. We hear that all the time - every time my children say grace before a meal, it’s like this adorable little chant in our house, “Lord bless this food and drink for Jesus sake, Amen.” In the name of Jesus. But imagine with me for a moment - what would it look like if we took that phrase and put it on every single aspect of our life. What if, whatever we say and do in life, we did as a representative of Jesus? I’m drinking my coffee this morning in the name of Jesus. I’m merging into traffic this morning - in the name of Jesus. That’s going to change how you treat the other cars, isn’t it? I’m driving this boat with my friend skiing behind me, in the name of Jesus. I’m going into this work meeting, in the name of Jesus. Would that affect your work ethic? The jokes you tell? I’m going to help my neighbor clean up their leaves - in the name of Jesus. I’m going to sit down and have tea with the ladies, or coffee with the fellas - in the name of Jesus. What if it was more than a cheesy tagline. What if this “in the name of Jesus” thing was…your entire life? What Jesus is offering is not self help, or personal practices of improvement - what Jesus’ wants for you, it’s a whole new life - transformed.

There was an author one time who went to study Amish people in preparation for an article he was writing. And he shows up to this amish community and noted that the children never screamed or yelled at one another. It sort of amazed him, and so he went and spoke to the schoolmaster. He remarked how he had not once heard an Amish child yell, and he asked why the schoolmaster thought that was so. The schoolmaster paused for a moment to think about it and then replied, “well, have you ever heard an Amish adult yell?” On a very simple level - we are going to soak up the practices and spirit of the one we spend time with, the one who has authority over our life. If you spend your life under the authority of Jesus, spending time in his presence, you will soak up that Spirit - your life will bear fruit. 

You see, what I want you to pull from all of this today is that faith in Jesus is not a diet plan. Becoming a Christian is not about shedding a couple pounds of sin - where it’s still you, just skinnier. No. The good news this morning is that we have moved from our old self into a new self. We have been brought from death to life. Our God is a God of resurrection. It’s not a self help program, where you have to spin your wheels and work really hard - it is a revival in your spirit. The old self has been stripped off and is DEAD. It died on Good Friday on the cross with ALL of your sins. The new self is found in the resurrection. You might think, “kindness, or gentleness or whatever fruit of the spirit - that’s just not how I was wired” - but what I want you to realize today is that we are REWIRED by Jesus’ resurrection to pursue kindness. You used to be dead, and now you are alive. You used to live unkindly, but now you have the fruit of the Spirit because you’ve been hanging out with Jesus. 

If you’ve been following our church social media pages this past week - you know we sent a bunch of students down to NTS camp. And I had an opportunity to road trip down on Wednesday to go visit our students. It was a long day - but it was so much fun. Powerful worship, played some card games, and we got to listen to the keynote speaker DJ Coleman. I should say the Reverand Doctor DJ Coleman, he’s a professor at IWU, but he gave a powerful message about transformation. And at one point he said, “What would it look like if I came in late, you know you get to work late and you go into the bosses office and you say, “I’m so sorry I’m late, I was on my way to work and I got run over by a bus at 80 miles an hour.” And if you walk into work and you say that, your boss is going to call you a liar! Why are you lying to me? No really! I got hit by a bus that was going 80 miles an hour, that’s why I’m late this morning. And no matter how much you insist, your boss is not going to believe you. Why? Because when you get hit by a bus at 80 miles an hour - your life looks different. Parts of you would resemble a pancake more than before you got hit. Your behaviors would be different - you’d at least be limping. And then he asked us, “what’s bigger? A bus? Or the God of the universe?” How much moreso than a bus, when you get hit by the God of creation - is your life going to look different? It takes transformation, not trying harder. It takes time spent with Jesus.

And so really that is my challenge for you this week - if you want to grow in your kindness, if you want to see this fruit authentically in your life, cling to Jesus. A little bit, if you’re following this series closely - I think you’ll realize that this is the challenge every week. Because this is how you grow the fruits of the spirit. Every week there might be practices or habits that you can work on and develop for each fruit of the Spirit, but the true source is always going to be Jesus. And so the starting point of every fruit is to grow your roots deep into the presence of Jesus. How do I do that? Pray. Read your bible. Fall deeper in love with God. It’s really hard to be unkind to someone you have spent a lot of time talking to Jesus about. It’s hard to hate the one you have asked Jesus to help you love. And it doesn’t have to be some grand prayer full of brilliant theology. You can literally say, “Hey God, I hate this person - please help me to be kind.” God honors our prayers when we ask him to transform us. God, I’m bad at being kind - but I’m really good at needing you, please help me. That’s it. That’s the prayer. Cling to Jesus, and you will find the fruit growing in your life. Because it’s not about trying, it’s about transformation.

I think when we pursue kindness a lot of people substitute the cheap version. The easier option. Either we slip into “niceness” which is where we just sort of enable and do whatever makes people feel happy and causes the least trouble. OR we take a hard line based on results, and we punch them in the face with the truth and call it kindness. But Jesus blows up the spectrum of niceness and nastiness by pushing us to be full of grace, but seasoned with salt. That’s Colossians 4, verse 6, NIV translation - be full of grace, but seasoned with salt.

Now beyond the obvious first step of clinging to the presence of Jesus, if you were looking for practices to grow kindness in your life. If you’re in here this morning, or joining us on the livestream - and you’re convinced that kindness is a weak spot in your faith walk, I’ve got great new for you. Maybe you’re bad at kindness, but so is everyone else. Practical methods of growing in kindness are in almost every letter in the new testament, because people were being unkind in almost every church. This is not a new problem. Let me throw out a few verses, you can write these down - and I want you to remember that each of these represents a different church, a different group of people who are struggling with the same thing you are struggling with. Galatians 5:15-16, let’s put that on the screen. Philippians chapter 4, verse 5 and 6 - let’s check that one out. Ephesians chapter 4, verse 29-32 - here we go. I mean, do you hear it? That’s almost identical to what he told the people at the church in Colossae. Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, all different churches in all different cities - all getting the same type of guidance from their pastor. I mean, it’s almost like we’re all struggling with the same issues, and we’re all having the same trouble, and we all have the same need for Jesus in our souls.  

I bet it was really awkward for Onesimus to bring this letter to his former slave owner Philemon, with the guidance “welcome him as a brother.” It was kind, but not nasty. I know it was awkward for my student Ashley to confront her friend in a “full of grace, seasoned with salt” conversation, it was kind, but not nice and easy. And for whatever you are going through this morning. As you grapple with kindness and try to live into your new self, letting the old self go - my prayer for you is that you would cling to Jesus. Because it is out of the overflow of your connection to Jesus that true transformation begins. Let’s pray.