The Lie Of Control - Ecclesiastes 9

The Lie of Control - 03.29.2026

Ecclesiastes 9

I want to start this morning with a question - Do you feel like you are in control of your life? I think I go through seasons, personally, where sometimes I feel like I’ve got a really good grip on the steering wheel, and then other seasons when life has got me hog tied in the trunk and I have no idea where we are going. And - have you noticed this? - I find my anxiety, my stress in life is often tied to how in control I feel. The University of Michigan actually had this study where they found that the feeling of lacking control is one of the strongest predictors of anxiety and depression. When people feel like they can’t control their circumstances, stress hormones inside their body spike. We are literally wired to crave control and we suffer when we lose it. When I am in control, I feel less stress, less anxiety - but when I lose control, my internal freaking out spikes. I think that might be part of why God gave me so many babies. Because babies, I don’t know if you know this, but babies are AMAZING at ruining the illusion of control. My sister-in-law is pregnant, and she’s overdue. And I started thinking about this issue of control, and moments in life when we lose that control. And as much as we are this super advanced society with incredible technologies - in terms of due dates, baby is really the one in control, isn’t he? I had a friend who scheduled a C-section, so she could know exactly when baby was coming. She was a very busy person, very type A, she had a lot going on, she didn’t want to leave anything to chance. So she put a date on the calendar and said, “doctor, this is what I want.” It was like a few days early from her due date - purely for the convenience of her schedule she made this appointment. Anybody want to guess what happened? She went into labor two days early. She was so mad, I laughed so hard when she told us that story. She wanted control, and it was taken away because babies have a habit of showing us that we are not actually in control.

For us personally in my family, we felt it the most with Amos - kiddo number two. At that time I was serving a church in the UP. And we found out we were transferring churches - because we were in this system where that’s how it worked. And we were moving mid-June - but it was no big deal because baby was going to come early June, so we were going to be just fine. We were supposed to have 14 days of recovery and the last baby came early and so we were going to have plenty of time with baby before the move. Anybody want to guess what happened? 8. Days. late. And every day got a little more stressful. Every day that the plan that was happening in front of me got a little bit further away from the plan that I had in my head - I got more and more stressed. We were about to move from the UP to over in the Flint area, and we were freaking out - “what do we do? All our doctors are up here? We know the route to the hospital up here! I don’t want to try and have a baby in a strange hospital. What if, we’re following the moving truck and you go into labor on the 7 hour drive? And so we were doing ALL the things. Moms - if you’ve ever had a baby go late, you know what I’m talking about. We took hikes, there was this mountain in Marquette called Sugarloaf - we hiked that EVERY DAY. We ate spicy foods. We took the old 98’ jeep cherokee that I bought off a high school kid on the back road, you know - the one with all the pot holes. We were doing everything we had heard of to jump start labor because the kid was 8. Days. Late. And we were moving on day 14. And if you’re curious - we really did move 6 days after having baby number two, and we made it! Because my wife is an absolute rock star - and it was all just fine. And maybe it’s not baby struggles for you - but have you ever had a moment in your life where you thought you were in control - but then life reveals that you were never actually in control? It’s the unexpected job loss that throws your whole life into question - do we move to another city? Do we switch careers? It’s that surprise car repair or medical bill you weren’t expecting that hits your emergency fund right in the teeth. Truth is our lives are full of situations that illuminate the fact that we may not be as in control as we thought. And if you have ever had a situation like my family did - then I have a teaching from scripture today that you definitely want to lean in on.

Now, if you are just joining us - we have been in this series in the book of Ecclesiastes for a couple of weeks now. And this book - whew - It has some hard truths, but they’ve also been incredible insights on how to live life closer to God. And this week - to get after this question of control - we’re going to be diving in to chapter 9. So if you want to grab your bible, and find Ecclesiastes - it’s in the Old testament, which means the front half of the bible. It’s a crazy long name - E-c-c-l-e-siastes, but it’s a book of wisdom literature. And I want to give you a second to look that up, so let me tell you a little bit about this book we call the bible. I find it helpful to think about the bible like a library. It’s a collection of 66 different books. And what’s cool about that is that we have books of history, book of law, eyewitness accounts of Jesus, letters and even book of poetry. And the clever Christian is going to know that we are supposed to read poetry differently than we read history, and we read the history parts differently than we read the letters. And Ecclesiastes is what we call “wisdom lit” - which can be kind of tricky to understand. Sometimes the wisdom will jump topics from verse to verse - it’s almost like the author has a little ADHD and jumps around. In fact a decent way to think about wisdom literature is like we are reading King Solomon’s twitter feed. He’s just firing off one off thoughts. And I know it’s called X nowadays, but I’m pretty sure it was still called twitter back then. (pause)

Ecclesiastes 9, verse 1 says [read v.1-3]. Do you hear his frustration? He looks at life, at the people he knows, the experiences he has had and he thinks, “it seems so wrong that everyone under the sun suffers the same fate.” He’s looking at death, and he realizes good people, bad people - they all die. So what is the point? If you spend enough time looking at death, it can make life feel sort of pointless. And I think this goes double for wealthy people. The teacher has been VERY successful in life. He’s amassed a ton of wealth, prestige, accomplishments, built great big things - he has done SO much. And so when he looks at the grave - he’s so frustrated by it. It’s a limit he doesn’t want to face. It’s a thing in his life he cannot control. Death has a habit of reordering our priorities.

He keeps going in verse 5, [read v.5-6]. What the teacher is realizing, and what every single one of us needs to come to grips with is the fact that you are going to die someday. I’m going to die someday. You - we, all are going to die someday. It is a limit on our life that we cannot control. There was a race car driver, he’s retired now, named Scott Goodyear. And one time in an interview he was asked about race-car drivers who have been killed in crashes at the Indianapolis 500. And he said, “you don’t go look at where it happened. You don’t watch the films of it on television. You don’t deal with it. You pretend it never happened.” Did you know they don’t announce people dead at the scene on a racecar track? They move the body before they pronounce them dead. As soon as the track closes the day of an accident, a crew heads out to paint over the spot where the car hit the wall. In the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Racing Museum - there’s no memorial, they don’t even mention the over 40 drivers who have lost their lives in crashes. Like Scott Goodyear said, “You don’t look…you pretend it never happened.” And I think that is sort of a micro-cosm of how we deal with stuff in our lives, isn’t it? We want so badly to feel in control of our life that we look away, we try to block it out - don’t think about it. I wonder what it is for you. What thing do you avoid looking at in your life - because it reminds you that you are not in control? Maybe it’s the news. Politics. War. Economy. Social Issues. There’s so much bad, and we feel so helpless - so we just turn it off. Tune it out. Maybe it’s something at work, or with your family - Your kids or grand kids are doing something that bothers you, but you can’t really control them anymore, and so you just don’t look at it. Pretend it’s not there. But here is where I want to challenge you with the word of God. We are, most of us, tempted to avoid looking at the hard things. But it is specifically our ability to look at the hard things and learn, that helps us grow. If we lean in, don’t look away - that’s where the book of Ecclesiastes gets its power. These truths have the ability to change your life. The teacher starts out with the realization that you are going to die someday. And I know that’s bleak. That’s a moment when you want to look away.

Let’s see if it gets better, verse 11 [read v.11-12]. Welp, it’s not any happier! You know, all throughout this series we have made jokes about how sour and depressing the teacher can be. Ecclesiastes is not a book for the light of heart - it’s heavy stuff. But what’s so annoying about it is that with almost all of his observations - he’s right! And I can feel his frustration coming off the page, and to be honest, I feel it too! He says, “the fastest runner doesn’t always win the race” and I’m sitting over here - a detroit lions fan - and I KNOW the best team doesn’t always walk away with the win. The wise sometimes go hungry and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. Gah, I don’t know what it is - but that just hits me in the chest. Let me ask you - do you resonate with what he’s saying? Are you picking up what he’s laying down? I don’t know why - but this just tracks, not just with my experience, but also with what I feel. When I see someone who is amazing and just a lovely human being, or like a couple or family I know - and then they fall on hard time, and it’s just… my heart goes out to them -  but then at the same time, on the other side I see an absolute doorknob of a human being, and they’re being terrible, they’re just being awful - but for some stupid reason they are thriving. Have you ever seen this? And think about how unfair it seems. That’s the frustration the teacher is tapping into. He’s looking at this world we live in and venting his frustrating, “it’s all so meaningless. It doesn’t feel right.” You know that old line “cheaters never win and winners never cheat” - and I love that concept, but then I’ll look at our modern landscape and think, “well - [pause] - sometimes cheaters win.” 

But here’s the good part. This teacher, who has written Ecclesiastes, he has tapped into how it feels, not how it actually is. And this is actually very common in the old testament - people would come to God with huge questions, doubts, and frustrations, and they just lay it all bare. God I am mad at you and here’s why. God I you have abandoned me. God I’m all alone. And it’s not true - but it’s how they feel. And what I want you to see here is that you - in your life - you are allowed to come to God with your honest questions. If things feel hopeless, if things feel unfair, or if life has left you full of questions and doubts and you sort of squish them down because you’re not sure if you’re allowed to ask that - I want you to realize that God can handle your raw, unfiltered, honest questions. I know some churches, some faith leaders discourage questions - because they don’t have answers, and that scares them. And I’ll be honest with you guys - I don’t always have the answers, and that scares me too. There are questions where I don’t know what to say - and I have to go look it up. But in all my years of study, one thing I have become convinced of - the answers exist, even if I don’t know them yet. And so we don’t have to be afraid of questions, or pointing out things that make us frustrated or confused. If I go to my doctor and say, “Doctor, I’ve got a broken leg - can you fix this for me?” - when I do that, that is actually a statement of CONFIDENCE in the doctor’s talent. I brought him my problem, because I believe he can do something about it. It’s the same way when we bring questions to God. God, I’ve got a broken faith - I’m full of doubt and questions - can you fix this for me?” That’s not insulting to God, that is a statement of confidence in God. I brought him my concerns, because I believe he can do something about it. 

So let’s bring Jesus and the teacher together. The teacher looks around at his life and says, back in verse 5, “the dead have no reward…whatever they did, it’s all long gone.” But then Jesus says in John chapter 11, [John 11:25-26] and 1 Corinthians 15 says, [read 15:55], and 2 Corinthians 5, and John 5, and Romans 8 and on and on the bible makes it very clear that there IS a reward after death - it’s just not one the teacher controls. Then the teacher in verse 11 hits us with that line, “it’s all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time”  - and I think we can all agree there’s moments in life when we feel that, but then we see Romans 8:28, [read 8:28], or Proverbs 19:21, which says, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”, and Psalm 33:11 “but the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.” and Isaiah 46:10 and Ephesians 2:10. Or LUke 12:7, I love this one [read Luke 12:7] And so the teacher is wrong - it’s not all chance, there IS a plan, down to the number of hairs on your head, there IS a plan - it’s just not one that he controls.

The good news that I have for you this morning is that YOU are not the boss of the universe. And a little bit, that’s frustrating - right? Because we WANT to be in control. Think about your life for a second - what do you wish you had more control of in your life? Is it money, your body, your time? Your spouse? Your kids? Really think about it - where do you WANT more control, shout it out if you feel comfortable. [long pause].  I think for me, the answer is probably my kids, maybe my finances. And I don’t need 100% control all the time - just… when they’re not listening. (laugh). We want control - but you are not the boss of the universe. In fact, if you think about it - there is only one type of control that God ever gives us. Anybody know what it is? It’s a fruit of the spirit? Self-control! That’s right. He does not give us other control, kid control, economy control, neighbor control, politics control, job control. The only control, the ONLY ONE, that God invites us into is self-control.

And I think the greatest example of this is Jesus himself. Today is palm Sunday, right? This week is Holy Week. And if you’re not familiar, basically we are just celebrating the major events of the last week that Jesus was alive on this earth. And the night before he died - he knew what was coming. He knew he was about to go to the cross - to be arrested, whipped, beaten, humiliated, spit on, and crucified. And there’s this moment, right before he died - when he went into the garden. And Jesus gets on his knees and he begged God to let him avoid the pain. He said, [read Matthew 26:38-39]. Jesus was about to face an incredible trial, and he was begging for control. Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. The cup represents the terrible thing that’s coming - his torture, and death on a cross. Father if I can just let that go past, if I can just say, “thanks but no thanks” to my struggles - father if I can be in control - please let this cup pass. How many of your prayers are like that? I’ll just be honest with y’all - SO MANY of my prayers are like that. God, please, I want your will to line up with my will. I sort of lay it out like a choice. God, I want what you want and what I want to be the same - and here’s what I want, your move. But then Jesus comes in with the second half of the prayer. If it’s possible, take this away from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will. Jesus says, “This is what I want. This is my preference. This is my will. Let this cup pass. That is what I want - But I want you, God, I want you more.” [long pause] What would it even look like to shape your prayers in that way? 

When we see that we are not the boss of the universe - when we are confronted by a lack of control in our life there are three choices. You can freak out - get really stressed and anxious and depressed, like the teacher in Ecclesiastes does. You can ignore it. Stick your head back in the sand. Don’t look at it. Like those race care drivers - don’t look at it. Don’t acknowledge it. Just distract yourself constantly and then you don’t have to deal with it OR we can do what Jesus did, and surrender our will to God’s will. Ruth Haley Barton has this concept in several of her books, some of you may have heard me talk about this before - she calls it the prayer of indifference. I’ll be honest, I don’t like that name for it. Because it doesn’t mean you don’t care - you’re not actually indifferent. But the prayer of indifference is about releasing results. And it’s exactly what Jesus does. He prays for the thing he wants, for the thing he hopes for, for HIS will. And then he submits that, he surrenders it to God’s will. 

Now men, I’m going to tell you a story and I want you to pay attention. Suppose you and your wife are deciding what to do with your afternoon. You want to do one thing. She wants to do something different. It’s just a conversation, it’s not contentious - but she really wants you to come do her thing with her, and you really don’t want to go, you have this whole other plan you’d much rather do. And after going back and forth, back and forth, and getting a little short with one another - she hits you with this line, “It’s fine. Just do whatever you want.” This is marriage counseling 101. Gentlemen - is it really fine? (pause). Should you actually do whatever you want? NO! Am I saving marriages this morning? That was a slow pitch right over home plate. Come on guys - but this is why I’m not a fan of the title “prayer of indifference” because I think that’s how people believe they are supposed to interact with God. Begrudging and disappointed. It’s fine God, I guess we’ll just go with your will. Whatever, I don’t care. But I’m not asking you this morning to erase your will. I’m not asking you to pretend that God’s will is the same as your will. I’m not asking you to lie to yourself. I’m asking you to submit your will to God’s will. 

But before we get to submitting our will to God’s will - we have to start with trust. The prayer of indifference is about releasing the outcome. God, here’s what I want, here’s what I hope for - but I surrender the outcome, I submit the end of the story to you. But here’s the problem you can only release outcomes if you believe that God is trustworthy. So many of us are dragged resentfully into God’s will, because we do not believe he is truly our loving father who knows what is good for us. We don’t trust him with the end of our story. You can only truly release the outcome if you can trust in God’s goodness. God is not trying to trick you or punish you. Surrender is safe because God is good. Let me say that again - Surrender is safe because God is good. That’s going to be my next tattoo. Surrender is safe because God is good. And some of you don’t believe that. Or you believe it up in your mind, but it hasn’t gotten down into your heart yet. And so maybe for you this morning you have something to do BEFORE you try surrendering control. Maybe your prayer is not “God, your will be done” - but back up and start with trust, “God, help me see your goodness. Help me trust you.” Without trust, indifference feels like loss. Surrender feels like giving up. [deadpan voice] It’s fine. Whatever you want God, I don’t care. But WITH trust, surrender feels like freedom. Freedom from anxiety. Freedom from fear. Freedom from the burden of trying to do it all on your own.

Elizabeth Gilbert has this great quote where she says, “you are afraid to surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.” That’s exactly what the book of Ecclesiastes is getting after. The teacher took a long hard look at death - he was confronted with the hard facts of life and he didn’t look away. You are not in control - and that’s good news, because wait until I tell you about the guy who IS in control. Surrender is safe because God is good. We start with trust, move to surrender - and that surrender leads us to joy. I cannot tell you how many times in my life, I have just desperately scrambled to try and be in control - but I never was in control. 

And so in just a minute the worship band is going to lead us in a song. And the song is called “I surrender” and I want to encourage you - I know we’re not a big movement church, but during this song - I want to invite you to adjust your posture. Whatever that means for you - adjust your posture for surrender. That might mean sitting in your seat. Or standing and raising your arms in surrender. Maybe you need to come up front or kneel in the aisles. Find your posture, and then I want you to find that place in your life where you are grabbing for control - whatever it is for you. I want you to take the thing you hold most dearly, look into the eyes of your heavenly father and tell him, “I submit my will to your will. I surrender.”

But also, i want to recognize that some of you are not in a place where surrender is possible. Maybe you have been disappointed when God doesn’t do what we want him to do. Or maybe we’ve been hurt before by people when they told us to trust them - and so we’re skeptical, guarded. We’ve built up a wall of steel around our hearts. And if that’s you here today, first I just want you to know that I see you. But your prayer can’t just be “I surrender” - I can’t drag you unwillingly into a trusting relationship with God. So the first part of your prayer needs to be “show me your goodness. God, help me trust you. God, help me believe you.” Surrender is safe because God is good - and if you don’t believe that second part, we’ve got to start there. Approach the great physician, the great doctor of your soul and say, “Doc, I’ve got a broken faith. I’ve got doubt, and fear, and uncertainty. I don’t know if you’re trustworthy. I don’t know if I believe. Please help my unbelief. God show me your goodness, tear down the walls I’ve built around my heart, help me to trust you - so that I can finally and truly surrender. And live into the freedom that that surrender gives me.” Amen.