Fight Like A Peacemaker

What is the difference between wrestling someone and fighting them? One of my absolute favorite things to do as a father is to wrestle with my boys. And I’ll tell you - my daughter Maggie is the baby, but she throws herself in there with reckless abandon. It’s really the closest you can get to your kids, physically - right? Just wrestling with my little guys. Anybody here wrestle with their kids? I don’t even have to do anything to initiate it - I can be on the other side of the house - but if I lay down on the carpet, they come running across the room full speed to just body slam on my chest. Now, to be clear - most of them are still pretty tiny, so the body slams are pretty pathetic, like getting hit in the chest with a pillow or an oversized cat or something. But it’s one of my favorite parts about fatherhood. But WHY do we wrestle? Why do we enjoy something that looks really violent on the outside? (And I know, half the women in here are sitting there thinking, “I have no idea why he does that, rough housing, getting the kids all riled up before bed.” I can literally hear my mother’s words in the back of my head, “it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” So why do we do this? Did you know that in the wild babies will wrestle with their parents - like bear cubs, and lion cubs, and their parents will actually pretend to lose in order to help their babies build their confidence. So what is the difference between wrestling someone and fighting with them?

As a lot of you know, we’re neck deep in a series called Brick By Brick, where every week we have been opening the bible and finding biblical principles to living an emotionally healthy life. This whole thing comes out of a conviction that healthy relationships don’t just happen, we have to build them. And so we’ve gotten into emotions and misunderstandings, integrity and how our past influences us - and today we’re going to get into how to fight with people we love. And the best way to learn that is to dive into the story of two brothers - who spent their entire lives hating one another, and we’re going to zero in on the moment of their final showdown.

So if you want to grab your bible, we are going to be in the book of Genesis, chapter 32. If you don’t know - Genesis is right there at the beginning of the bible, the very first book and so these are some of the earliest stories we have. And so while you’re finding that story in your bible, let me give you a little background. This is a story about Jacob and Esau - twin brothers. They’re twins, but Esau was born first. And at this time, what that means is that Esau gets the birthright. When dad dies, all the stuff is going to go to Esau. Now before our story for today, there’s another story from back when they were kids. Maybe you remember this, maybe this is brand new for you. Esau was a big hunter, strong and burly. They make a big point to talk about how hairy he is. Big dude. And then Jacob, well - Jacob is what you might call “indoorsy” - but Jacob wants the birthright. And so what happens is that Jacob swindles his brother and tricks his dad into giving HIM the birthright instead of Esau. And when that happens Esau is FURIOUS, and he threatens to kill Jacob and so Jacob runs away from home terrified of his big strong brother’s wrath. Now that’s a whole other story for another day, but I want you to keep that in mind for our story. Years have gone by, but Jacob and Esau hate each other because of something that happened back when they were kids, and we get to chapter 32 and Jacob gets word that Esau is coming. Verse 6 tells us, [read v.6-8]. So this is Jacob’s plan. He has moved on with his life - he’s married, got lots of stuff, but Esau is coming and Jacob is terrified. He hurt his brother, by tricking him, by stealing from him, sort of - and he thinks Esau is going to try and kill him. So he splits his stuff into two groups and thinks, “Well, if Esau attacks one group and kills everyone, at least I’ll escape with half of my stuff.” He’s not a fighter, this Jacob character. THEN he sends gifts to his brother. Like 500 animals he sends to Esau. he sends them in two waves, down in verse 20 it says [read v.20b-21]. I’ll pacify him with these gifts and then maybe he won’t kill me.

And then, this crazy thing happens - the story of Jacob and Esau pauses for a second. The end of chapter 32, the last ten verses, it’s like a little mini story inside the Jacob and Esau feud. And so Jacob is at this river, and he sends his family across the river, all his stuff is across the river and Jacob is all by himself. Verse 24, [read v.24]. Now I just want to point out how weird that sentence is. Some guy just shows up and starts wrestling with Jacob. Now, later we find out that this man represents God, it’s God’s representative, maybe it’s an angel or something we’re not really sure - but whatever, that guy represents God. But remember the bigger story! The family feud between Jacob and Esau - what would YOU think if you’re all alone and some random guy attacks you in the middle of the night. Esua’s here! He’s come to kill me and I’m all by myself! So Jacob, the non-fighter, is gonna give it his all, for all he knows, he is fighting for his life. But it’s not Esau - it’s God. Which, honestly, makes it even weirder. God attacks Jacob. This is the only time in the Old Testament that I can come up with, where God physically shows up and attacks one of his people. And they wrestle like all night, and it’s almost dawn, and then verse 25 [read v.25-26]. You know that thing brothers do, where you twist the arm behind the back and go, “say uncle, say uncle.” Because getting them to say uncle means you win or something like that? This is the weirdest “uncle’ I’ve ever seen. Let me go! No, not until you bless me. Some guy attacks you, and you answer by pinning him down until he blesses you. What a strange episode. 

Verse 27, [read v.27-28]. Now this is a big deal on a couple levels. First - Jacob has 12 sons, and his name has been changed from Jacob to Israel. The 12 sons of Israel, which eventually leads to the twelve tribes of Israel, which leads to the nation of Israel. This is the birth of a nation, right here. Second, did you know that the word Israel means “struggles with God”? That was the name that God decided to give to his chosen people. You are my chosen people, you are my favorite family - and I’m going to watch over you, and I’m going to bless the entire world through you, and I’m going to call you “struggles with me.” The very name of God’s chosen people, the name God gave reminds us that in life we will struggle with God. Verse 30 finishes the story [read v.30-31]. Now I want you to remember what Jacob just said - it’s going to be important in just a second. Here I saw God face to face. With this wrestling match, Jacob wins, but he also loses. He gets a blessing from God, has seen the face of God, but he walks away a changed man. He’s got a new name, a limp - a lifelong scar, a reminder of his wrestling with God.

Then the story is over - and we’re back into the Jacob and Esau fight. Now remember; Jacob stole the birthright from Esau, Esau threatens to kill Jacob, Jacob runs away - terrified. Then years go by, Esau is coming, Jacob wrestles with God and then the showdown begins. At the very beginning of the next chapter, verse 1 [read v.1-4] It’s okay! They don’t kill each other! Instead, there’s this surprise picture of redemption, of reconciliation - brothers hugging it out after years of fighting. But here’s what I want you to see, I don’t want you to miss this. Skipping down to verse 8, [read v.8-10]. When Jacob wrestled with God down by the river, he named that place Peniel, because he saw God face to face, and then in the next scene when he meets his brother - he compares the moment of brotherly healing to seeing the face of God. And so what this shows us is that there is a connection between wrestling with God and wrestling with one another. 

The good news that the scripture has for us today is that God wrestles with us. Maybe not physically like Jacob did, but in our hearts sometimes we have this wrestling match with God. And think about the pieces of it. God initiated the fight, there was no argument or conversation, no rationale, just a guy shows up and starts wrestling. God initiates the wrestling - which tells us that this is something Jacob NEEDED to do before he could deal with Esau. I would go so far as to say that God enjoys wrestling with us. That God likes working his good work in our broken hearts. God is not angry at us when we wrestle with him - he started it. Because sometimes to come to grips with a truth in our lives, sometimes we need to wrestle with it. 

It’s that moment when we get angry at something our wife said, but we bring it to God first and wrestle with that anger and realize that I’m not actually angry, I’m hurt - and now that I know that I can approach it and actually find healing. Or maybe it’s your job - and you’re just not feeling fulfilled, stuck in a dead end career or not sure what to do with it. Or maybe you’re retired, but wondering if that was the right call - So we bring it to God and we wrestle with this sinking feeling inside, and we realize that it’s not the job that matters, but we just want to live a life of purpose. And with that knowledge we can actually start to move forward. Or maybe it’s feelings of depression, doubt, struggles with self-worth. People around us say they love us, but for some reason we can’t bring ourselves to actually believe them. And so we bring it to our Father, and we wrestle with it. And we dig underneath the feelings of inadequacy and realize that what we are actually seeking is love and fulfillment that only our father in heaven can give to us. God wrestles with us, to get his truth through all the walls we put up to keep him out.

But let me ask - why? Why does God wrestle with us? Well take a second, and look closer at the story. The story of wrestling with God is buried in the middle of the Jacob and Esau fight. Jacob is getting ready to fight Esau, he’s getting ready to confront his brother, and that is the moment when God decided to step in and wrestle with Jacob. And then when Jacob fights with God, he pins God down. Now I want you to think about that sentence. God is GOD. God is all powerful, he probably could have sent a stronger human representative. This is like me saying that my 1 and a half year old daughter Maggie pinned me down. Or like the lion cubs, or bear cubs - remember? Parents in nature will pretend to be wounded to encourage their children. So when Jacob “pins down’ God - and demands, “I won’t let you go until you bless me.” But even that doesn’t make sense - because Jacob already has the birthright, Jacob already has God’s blessing. So in that moment when Jacob pins him down and says, “i won’t let you go until you bless me” what God is speaking to Jacob’s heart is to show him what he really wants, what he really needs is Esau’s blessing. What he really needed was to see the face of God, not partially in the dark before daybreak down by the river, but in the light of day, on the face of his brother. And this is the real message of the whole story - God prepares us for reconciliation by wrestling with us. God knew Jacob needed to come to this realization before he met Esau. Jacob needed the proper motivation, the proper inspiration, before the showdown began. God wrestles with us to prepare us to wrestle with the world. 

And here’s the big difference - the world fights to win, but God fights to reconcile. If you remember one sentence from today, I want it to be that sentence: the world fights to win, but God fights to reconcile. At the top I asked, what’s the difference between wrestling and fighting? Between brothers, between lion cubs and bear cubs, between God and man - wrestling is preparation. The goal of wrestling is to learn, to grow and to get better at something. The goal of fighting is destruction, harm, death and evil. And actually, let me take that one more step. Even if we start by trying to fight with God. We are angry with God, we hate God, we want to fight God, and hurt God and attack God for whatever reason, for whatever is going on in our lives. What I’m trying to tell you this morning is that even if you are fighting, God is so great, so big and strong and glorious that he takes our fighting and turns it into wrestling. He takes our hurting motivation and he can use it to teach us. Like an angry child screaming at his parents, punching at dad’s chest, or mom’s leg or whatever - I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I don’t hate you, I need you. I’m hurt and I don’t understand, please help me understand. God wrestles with us, even when we have a mind to fight.

We rail against God - you just want to control my body with your rules about sex. And God comes back at us saying, “I want you to recognize how valuable you are, worthy of self-respect and dignity.” We shout at God - “You just want to take my money.” And God comes back and said, “I want you to be free from greed. “Well, You just want me to be weak, to not be able to fight back against my enemies” and God comes back and says, “I want you to be better than the fight. To use love to conquer hate” We try to start fights with God, and he turns every single one of them into a method to teach us and help us grow closer to him.

And so coming out of that I have two challenges for you that I want you to take with you into the rest of your week. First - in every fight of your life, start by wrestling with God. Take the fight and bring it to God. Wrestle with God, and like Jacob, walk away changed - and then you will be ready to wrestle with your brother. Or sister. Or prodigal child. Or frustrating boss. Or annoying neighbor. Start by wrestling with God. Let me give you an example - last week there was a viral video on tiktok of a lady who made a video of herself calling churches asking for baby formula. In light of the government shut-down, and the pause on SNAP benefits - she wanted to make a point about charities. So she called all these churches, and made up a story about a starving baby. She even played audio of a baby crying in the background to be convincing. If they did not say, “come right over” or “we have it ready, come get it” - she wrote down that they would not help her. It was like a social experiment. Even churches that referred her, the ones that said, “we don’t have any formula but we partner with a food bank and they can take care of you” - she put them in the “won’t help me” category. There was one church where the secretary said, “we partner with a group called Helping Hands, let me get you that number” - and the tiktok influencer said, “Helping Hands wouldn’t help me.” Now the secretary, her name was Julie, she knew this wasn’t true - because Helping Hands wasn’t open yet. And if they were low on formula, they would have told the church and the church would have restocked them. So Julie figured out that it was fake, and ended the phone call. The caller posted the video, it went megaviral and this wave of hatred for the church came out. This church got nasty phone calls, voice mails, emails, facebook comments and even google reviews - from people who had never been to the church. Just angry because she wouldn’t help the fake baby. 

Now when I saw this - I was sad that some churches weren’t willing to help, but I was also so angry that some churches were getting attacked. I felt like it wasn’t fair! People were attacking this church and it got my blood boiling. I was so ready to fight. Because listen - some of those churches wanted to help. But sometimes people lie to us, and so we have policies to make sure our limited resources actually go to people who have real need - and the fact that this church was getting attacked for catching the lie - argh, that’s so frustrating. I was ready to mix it up, get in a fight, use my brilliant logic to reduce my opponent into a puddle on the internet. But I wanted to fight to win, I didn’t want to fight to reconcile. I was Esau, wanting to pound Jacob into the ground. But then, this happened last week, then the pastor of Julie’s church wrote a letter. And I can put it on the screen, but the letters are too small to see - but I want to zoom in on the bottom half. The top half is just the pastor explaining what happened, and actually defending Julie. He writes, “you know Julie as I know Julie. She serves with excellence and empathy. Julie is to be commended for her wisdom, discernment, and willingness to graciously assist people who have legitimate needs.” It was very sweet, but the bottom half of the letter the pastor provides four actions steps, and this is the first one: “pray for the person who initiated this online attack. And pray for those who have followed suit by sending messages. Maybe they are hurting people. Maybe they were hurt by a church. Let’s pray that they encounter the light and love of Christ.” I read that, and it sucked the wind right out of my sails. Just totally deflated my ego. This was a man, Pastor Darren, this is a man who wrestled with God first. The world fights to win, I wanted to fight to win but God fights to reconcile. So whatever fight you have, bring it to God first. And in that way, you can fight… like a peacemaker. If you want to find reconciliation, the best thing you can do with the conflict in your life is go down to the river and get thrown around by God first.

So first we wrestle with God, and then my second challenge for you this week is to find the face of God in the person you are having conflict with. I think about Jacob - he saw the face of God, and then in reconciliation with his brother he says, “Esau, in your face I see the face of God.” When you face conflict in your life, can you search for the face of God in the person you are attacking? Here’s why this is so important - i’m noticing a trend in our world recently. Have you noticed this? In the last 10-15 years, there has been this trend of creating movies where the villains are more complicated. Like, they’ll retell a classic story - but give us the bad guys point of view, which makes them seem more reasonable. They did this with Maleficient, Cruella, Wreck It Ralph - movies where the bad guy is the good guy - have you seen this? Just this past weekend, Wicked part 2 came out. If you’re not familiar, it’s a retelling of the Wizard of Oz, where we focus on the wicked witch of the west, and her origin story. I haven’t seen it yet, but it shows us as a culture that we have more empathy for our villains. And I look at this trend in our movies and literature, and then I get on social media and I see how some of my friends talk about people on the other side of the political aisle. I have literally seen friends on the left refer to people on the right as MAGATS - like MAGA, with a T on the end. And I have friends over on the other side who refer to people on the left as “demon”-crats. And I see these posts and I can’t help but wonder, as a society are we actually going to empathize better with the literal wicked witch of the west, with the evil dragon lady from Sleeping Beauty - before we are willing to see the humanity of the person who disagrees with us on the proper form of government? Are you kidding me? If we are going to fight like peacemakers, if we are going to fight to reconcile and not just fight to win - we have to reclaim the ability to see the face of God in the person we have conflict with. Every single person you have ever fought with was made in the image of God. We can disagree strongly - but at the end of the day, God brings a water spigot to a world that is fighting fire with fire. Search for the face of God in the people who have conflict with and you will fight like a peacemaker.

Now, to close I want to put some meat on those bones - I want to give some practical guidance. If we want to build healthy relationships, the way we fight matters. The world fights to win, but God fights to reconcile. We know how God does it, but what about the world? What are the dirty fighting tactics that we will be tempted by? Well let’s put those on the screen and see if any of them look familiar [lecturing, condescension, sarcasm, silent treatment, contempt] Are any of you guilty of these tactics? [sarcastically] I’m sure none of you would ever do anything like that. (That was sarcasm - see? It’s hard!). And let me just say, that last one, contempt, that’s probably the greatest one. Contempt is a relationship killer. If we look at someone and have contempt in our hearts - it is almost impossible to fight like a peacemaker, almost impossible to find reconciliation. And listen to me - I get it. Our world RUNS on contempt right now. Every news story is designed to get you to agree with one side, and belittle the other. But when the world fights to win, God fights to reconcile. What I’m trying to show you this morning is that the broken methods of the world are not our only option. We can wrestle with God, which prepares us to wrestle with one another. To fight like a peacemaker. Let’s pray.